The real reason Nikki sold his bike


Just keep it clean please....

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 5170

Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:28 pm

Location: Lyman, IA

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:30 pm

The real reason Nikki sold his bike

Squirrel Story; Author unknown to me - take credit if it's yours, please!

"I had been banging around the roads of east Texas on my Valkyrie motorcycle and as I headed back into Dallas, found myself in very heavy, high-speed traffic on the freeways. Normally, this is not a problem; I commute in these conditions daily, but suddenly I was nearly run down by a car that decided it needed my lane more than I did. This is not normally a big deal either, as it happens around here often, but usually I can accurately predict which drivers are not paying attention and avoid them before we are even close. I missed seeing this one until it was nearly too late, and as I took evasive action I nearly broadsided another car that I was not even aware was there!

Two bad decisions, and insufficient situational awareness... …all within seconds. It was time for me to get off of the freeway.

I took the next exit, and as I was in an area I knew pretty well, headed through a few big residential neighborhoods as a new route home. As I turned onto the nearly empty streets I opened the visor on my full-face helmet to help me to get some air. I figured some slow riding through the quiet side streets would give me time to relax, think, and regain that "edge" so frequently required when cycle riding.

Little did I suspect...

As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it --- it was that close.

I hate to run over animals... …and I really hate it on a motorcycle; but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.

Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Banzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.

Instantly he set upon me. If I did not know better I would have sworn he brought twenty of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. The furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser bike, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street... …in the fight of his life with a squirrel; and losing.

I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all of my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.

That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there; it really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.

But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel.

This was THE evil attack squirrel of death!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed squarely onto my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!

The situation was not improved; not improved at all. His attacks were continuing; and now I could not reach him.

I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back, unfortunately, put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result: Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.

The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in... …well... …I just plain screamed.

Now picture this same large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser bike, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn-t-shirt, and only one leather glove, roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street... …on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back onto the handlebars and try to gain control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle... …my brain was just simply overloaded; though I did manage to mash the back brake; but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is the Scottish attack squirrel of death); and he came around my neck and got INTO my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed partway and he began hissing in my face I am quite sure my screaming changed tone and intensity. It seemed to have little effect on the squirrel, however.

The rpm's on The Dragon bike maxed out (I was not concerned about shifting at the moment) and her front end started to drop.

Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome bike, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand... …I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked... …sort-of. Spectacularly,… …sort-of… …so to speak.

Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.

Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser bike, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder, roars by; and with all of his strength he throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren't mine... …thank God!

I managed to get the big motorcycle under directional control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign at a busy cross street.

I would have returned to ‘fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have; really. But for two things: First, the cops did not seem interested in, or the slightest bit concerned about, me, at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked by, and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.

So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway. That was one thing. The other thing? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me a digital sign...

That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car...

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.

As for my easy and slow drive home: Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or THE evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death... …I'll take my chances with the freeway: Every time."

Regards, JLB

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 2028

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2016 4:52 pm

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:44 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

Dear Lord.
:)

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 5170

Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:28 pm

Location: Lyman, IA

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:32 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

I almost pee'ed my pants laughing when I 1st read it on another site, I had to share and since Nikki had a Valkyrie, I couldn't resist. No idea who wrote it, but a good writer.

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 8937

Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:45 pm

Location: Canada's left Coast

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:33 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

I have seen this story before. Originally it was on a humour site where persons wrote a funny story, true or not and some of the stories got published.
My bike is not sold yet, but I am trying to work out the details. The local bike shop wants to buy the Valkyrie and resell it. They think there may be some urgency on my part and they are stupidly trying to screw me on the price. I will have the Valkyrie delivered home and I can store it here, indefinitely. I don't need their f'n money.
My son was trying to sell his SRT4 and all he got as a bunch of CL flakes. I offered the SRT4 to someone on this forum, for free, he never showed in three months. My son called the Kidney Foundation and gave them the SRT. He got an $800 tax receipt. The SRT was driven onto the roll-deck tow truck and taken to a crusher. The SRT was crushed and shredded the next day and that was the end of that car.
My situation is getting better and I may ride for a few more years. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of living all smashed and busted. I have a do not resuscitate order on my driver's license.
The worst that happened to me was, I was following a friend to his shop to buy an Eaton M90 supercharger. He was in his raised F250. He changed lanes to run over a skunk. He hit the skunk and I got the "drift".
Attachments
VALKYRIE SIX CYLINDERS.jpg
VALKYRIE.jpg
I would rather have tools I do not need than to need tools I do not have
Thinking risks being controversial and possibly being offensive

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 5170

Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:28 pm

Location: Lyman, IA

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:39 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

Well, glad you took it the sprit it was intended (humor). I still have my Goldwing, and not even sure how much work it would take to get it roadable, but I have no thought of getting rid of it.

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 8937

Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:45 pm

Location: Canada's left Coast

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:52 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

It is a HONDA. These bikes generally start and run quite well unless the bike has been stored out in the West Coast weather.
My friend Jack has not ridden his GW in 20 years. He drained the fuel, changed oil and filter and drained the cooling system. We topped up the coolant, added new fuel and the GW settled into a steady smooth idle after 10 turns of the crank.
Instead of having the Valkyrie Interstate delivered, I may ride it home. By the time I arrive at the back of my shop, I will know for sure what I should do with the bike. It is a 1999 and has 32,000 miles.
My bike has the OEM exhaust and it sounds like this https://youtu.be/rCBZoo_MLpE
I would rather have tools I do not need than to need tools I do not have
Thinking risks being controversial and possibly being offensive

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 5170

Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:28 pm

Location: Lyman, IA

Post Sun Mar 04, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

I'm fairly sure it is going to need caliper pistons, tires and an exhaust, I have it stored in the nose of my storage trailer. every time I go in there, I give the kick start lever a kick to spin it over. It was the last year for a kick starter on the Goldwing.
I don't have time to work on anything other then my semi's anymore, so no point pineing over it, I wouldn't have time to ride it. It has always been out of the weather since I owned it, but did ride it in some fairly sloppy conditions.

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 8937

Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:45 pm

Location: Canada's left Coast

Post Sun Apr 08, 2018 1:51 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

The motorcycle chop delivered my Honda to my home two days ago. I have to clear the motorcycle lift table and get the bike on the table. It so much easier for me to be able to work on the bike if I can raise it to eye-level. The bike has developed a serious fuel leak in the fuel line between carburetors two and three on the left side. I will be replacing all of the line/hose. The first and most important thing on the to-do-list is to turn the shop furnace gas off. There will be some fuel escaping during the repair and the pilot light is a good ignition source.
I am not surprised, the 20 year old fuel lines have started to leak fuel. AS often as I was able, I always bought the premium fuel because of the reduced amount of methanol. The notice on the pump suggests METHANOL FREE on premium gasoline. Time and UV are the enemy. Since 1999 the Valkyrie has gone 32,000 miles
The motorcycle shop wanted $700 to replace and repair and I said no. I called Honda and they have rolls of the correct line. The parts lady said the line will cost me less than $10, if they charge me.
We have been having rain for the last two days. The bike is wet.
I don't want to put my old Ford out in the rain, but I might have to, so, I will have room to maneuver the bike into the shop and onto the lift table.
Attachments
MOTORCYCLE LIFT 1.jpg
up on the lift a few years ago
HYDRAULID POWERPAC1.jpg
hydraulic power-pack with remote control
LIFT TABLE MC WHEEL CLAMP.jpg
floating caliper wheel clamp
home after 2 years.jpg
as delivered
I would rather have tools I do not need than to need tools I do not have
Thinking risks being controversial and possibly being offensive

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 8937

Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:45 pm

Location: Canada's left Coast

Post Mon Aug 06, 2018 12:29 am

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

My motorcycle was sold about three weeks ago. I got my asking price. I do not miss the bike and am not likely to any time soon. There has been serval motorcycle fatalities every week this summer. Riding a motorcycle in this traffic is much too dangerous.
I would rather have tools I do not need than to need tools I do not have
Thinking risks being controversial and possibly being offensive

Golden Jubilee
Golden Jubilee

Posts: 8937

Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:45 pm

Location: Canada's left Coast

Post Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:41 pm

Re: The real reason Nikki sold his bike

Now that my last motorcycle is sold and gone I placed the shop built hydraulic wheel/tire clamp for my lift table on CRAIGSLIST. https://vancouver.craigslist.ca/bnc/mpo ... 22916.html
I had a New York Minute of sellers remorse yesterday. This feeling lasted until the evening news when it was reported that two riders had died of their injuries over the weekend.
Do I miss the bike? Well, maybe just a little bit. I was never a hard core biker like some of my riding friends, so this was not like cutting off and appendage.
I would rather have tools I do not need than to need tools I do not have
Thinking risks being controversial and possibly being offensive
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