Virtual Front Porch

It was my wife's b'day yesterday. Our daughter decided to call my wife's twin sister and wish the twin sister a happy birthday. The twin was perplexed and asked, "How do you know it is my birthday?"

This area is blanketed with a dense smoke. The orange sun is just visible. It looks like 15 minutes before sunset.
There are air quality warnings for the young and old F 's like me.
McD's got my order right today. Yesterday I returned to the drive-thru twice to get my order corrected. What is so difficult about 6 fruit and fiber muffins with 6 peanut butter packages. I got a lemonade, a late ', -2 ice-cream, a dozen packs of butter and another order of 1 muffin and 30 peanut butter packages. I asked that they not give me any Plastic knives because I have over 100. 20 more plastic knives were in with the 30 PB.
There is a bright orange Ford Model A in the parking lot today.

On the subject of getting orders right.. -:)

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

My wife was at her physical with our family Doctor. He had not seen me in some time and had to ask how I am doing. My wife told him that I am doing well, considering my age, but she felt that I was falling down, ever so little, on my duties as her husband. The good doctor offered her a free sample of "The Blue Pill" and said, "See how that goes and let me know in two weeks." She told him that I am not a person who likes to take any pills and getting me to take the pills might be a problem. He suggested that she grind one of the pills into a powder and put it into my food at suppertime. He will not notice. After a fortnight, she returned to the Doctor, as she was told, and when asked, she said, "You could have warned me about the rapid action of the pill." He grabbed me, pushed the dishes onto the floor and put me on the supper table and went absolutely crazy, so to speak." The Doctor had to ask, "So, what is the problem, isn't that what you want?" She replied, "We were at The White Spot, our favorite restaurant and we cannot go back there ever again."

My wife was at her physical with our family Doctor. He had not seen me in some time and had to ask how I am doing. My wife told him that I am doing well, considering my age, but she felt that I was falling down, ever so little, on my duties as her husband. The good doctor offered her a free sample of "The Blue Pill" and said, "See how that goes and let me know in two weeks." She told him that I am not a person who likes to take any pills and getting me to take the pills might be a problem. He suggested that she grind one of the pills into a powder and put it into my food at suppertime. He will not notice. After a fortnight, she returned to the Doctor, as she was told, and when asked, she said, "You could have warned me about the rapid action of the pill." He grabbed me, pushed the dishes onto the floor and put me on the supper table and went absolutely crazy, so to speak." The Doctor had to ask, "So, what is the problem, isn't that what you want?" She replied, "We were at The White Spot, our favorite restaurant and we cannot go back there ever again."

I don't think you intended it that way, but it kind of ties in with you signature at the bottom about tools you don't need!

[quote="nikkinutshop
I don't think you intended it that way, but it kind of ties in with you signature at the bottom about tools you don't need!

Good one, that's rich.

Ok just one more:

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she' s no dummy ), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that
it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

https://youtu.be/OOgd9hitEAE

ITALIAN LOGIC

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough. I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large bank accounts. But, the decision is all yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Tony?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

We are finally getting rained on. I hope it rains for a week in the interior to help the forest fire workers. The smoke has been very heavy here in the coast. Yesterday may have been the worst smoke day.
The new NP government removed the tolls off all bridges and many persons were happy. My Dad used to say, "Nothing is free". Last week the new government raised the rates on the mandatory government operated vehicle insurance. Two years ago, ICBC, the government insurance had several billion dollars of surplus cash until the last government transferred the money out to general revenue show a balanced budget. So the tolls continue, but thinly disguised as higher insurance rates. Since I first got my driver's licence in 1961, I was told that I would pay a higher premium, but wait until next year, my rate would go down. In 61 years of driving, my rate has never gone down until I got the senior rate.
I just paid a year of full coverage with $2 million liability, collision and $500 deductible and the insurance cost $1564 for 12 months. The vehicle is a 2002 Ram 2500 4X4 Diesel. I paid cash for this truck, so the collision coverage was optional.
I am going to go to Tim's for a dark roast coffee and a honey glaze donut. (read this as two donuts)