OldIHC

So there I am at the checkout at Costco. Peanut butter is one of my favorites and it was on sale, so I had captured about six rather large containers of the stuff. This hoity toity looking female person was in the line just to the rear of us and had taken upon herself to stare into our shopping cart and then at me. Eventually she could not control herself and she blurted out, " What will you be doing with all of that peanut butter?" " That is quite a lot, you know." I told her, " we use it for sex! We apply liberal amounts of it to the door handle and it discourages the kids from walking in on us on Friday evening, My wife much prefers the crunchy, but sadly, Costco is out of it".

My good wife was at her appointment with our family Doctor. He had not seen me in some time and had to ask how I am doing. My wife told him that I am doing well, considering my age, but she felt that I was falling down, ever so little, on my duties as her husband. The good doctor offered her a free sample of "The Blue Pill" and said, "See how that goes and let me know in two weeks." She told him that I am not a person who likes to take any pills and getting me to take the pills might be a problem. He suggested that she grind one of the pills into a powder and put it into my food at suppertime. He will not notice. After a fortnight, she returned to the Doctor, as she was told, and when asked, she said, "You could have warned me about the rapid action of the pill." He grabbed me and put me on the supper table and went absolutely crazy, so to speak." The Doctor had to ask, "So, what is the problem?" She replied, "We were at The White Spot, our favorite restaurant and we cannot go back there again."

Thats funny. laughed me head off.

You're sick,sick man! LOL

So wadda ya call that PB&S???

That was you? Got video of it- it's online

The blue pill story is not something that happened here, but funny non-the-less.
This on is true.
I used to work under a not too bright manager and it was his habit to go to the executive men's room at 10:30h every working day. My wife often included Kraft Peanut Butter and Jam packets in my lunch box along with a few slices of bread and some other lunch items. One day at the end of my coffee break, about 10:20h, I took some peanut butter and wiped it onto the door knob of the manager's toilet door handle then went back to my work. It was only minutes later that the manager was yelling and using strong language because he was really peed-off. He grabbed the door knob and he didn't think it was peanut butter on his hand because of the location. He has a very weak stomach and in-between outbursts, he was dry-heaving in one of the 45 gallon barrels that are garbage cans. I rushed over and asked, "Are you OK Sir?". He suggested that some SOB had failed to wash his hands and left some poop on the door. I went to the door and wiped some peanut butter off with my finger and tasted it then reported that it was very much like peanut butter.
His weak constitution lost it completely and he started to yodel in Technicolor. Before he went home for the day, he accused me of having had something to do with this event. It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

NO, Not you!

Yup, me, I love peanut butter.

Holy "crap" I love it!
You are warped!

That reminds me of a story my old parts manager told us.He used to come to the Jersey shore during the summer. There used to be a LOT of bars around back then. One was Jimmy Byrnes Sea Girt Inn,the place was BIG and got elbow to elbow crowded. Anyway,him and a friend went in one night,his buddy had a small can of Dinty Moore beef stew hidden on him. He got a spot at a bar and a few minutes later proceeded to "loose his lunch". Jack,standing not far away walks over and starts eating the stew with his fingers. The everyone near them at that bar left! Then the rest of his buddy's then got some bar space.
We were rollin when he told us that.

One of my coworkers had some bottled green tea that looked like pee. I poured some into a (brand new, clean) urinal then walked up to someone else and asked them to give it a sniff to see if my patient might be going into Diabetic Ketoacidosis (urine will have a "fruity" smell) they sniffed it and said they weren't sure, so I took a big swig and said, "yeah, I think they are."

Their eyes got real big for a second, then narrowed and they said, "what's in there?" It's pretty hard to gross out a nurse. But when we get together for drinks and get to swapping stories, we can empty out a place pretty quick.